Burial and the importance of a funeral Mass

By Bill Doyle
CFP Correspondent

WORCESTER – Fewer people are burying their loved ones, according to George DiLorenzo, director of the Diocesan Cemeteries Office, and he said the main reason is the cost.

Mr. DiLorenzo said he couldn’t put a percentage on how much the number of burials have decreased, but he believes it’s important for people to bury their dead in a cemetery.

“It’s all part of our faith, right?” he said. “It gives you closure, it gives closure for the people who have passed away and it gives you a place to reflect, to visit.”

Mr. DiLorenzo said the burial site gives loved ones a chance to pay their respects and possibly “say [what] you wished you had said before they passed.”

Some people visit St. John’s Cemetery every day, some twice a day, Mr. DiLorenzo said.
“It’s almost as if you can set your clock to it,” he said. “It’s very busy here with visitors.”

Thanksgiving, when people travel to visit family in the area, and Memorial Day are the two busiest times of the year.  

Mr. DiLorenzo said the number of cremations has risen because they cost less and are easier to conduct.

“More among the younger people than the older people,” he said.

According to funeralocity.com, in Massachusetts the cost of a traditional full-service burial ranges from $6,970 to $13,160 and the cost of a full-service cremation ranges from $4,505 to $10,850. The cost of a burial without embalming, viewing or services ranges from $3,300 to $8,915 and the cost of a direct cremation without visitation or a wake or a cremation casket ranges from $995 to $2,720.

Ann McConville is the assistant office manager for the Diocesan Cemeteries Office and has been a licensed funeral director for 32 years.

“I think cremation is definitely more common now than it was years ago, especially with the Catholic Church recognizing it,” she said.

The Catholic Church prohibited cremation until 1963 when Pope Paul VI lifted the prohibition.
According to the Code of Canon Law, canon 1176, “The Church earnestly recommends that the pious custom of burying the bodies of the deceased be observed; nevertheless, the Church does not prohibit cremation unless it was chosen for reasons contrary to Christian doctrine.”

“The body is the temple of the Holy Spirit because of Baptism,” said Msgr. F. Stephen Pedone, diocesan judicial vicar and pastor at Our Lady of Mount Carmel and Our Lady of Loreto Parish in Worcester, “and that’s why we honor the body with a Christian burial.

Burying that person helps us realize that this person, their earthly life has ended, but a new life has begun and that we’re treating this temple of the Holy Spirit with reverence. We’re not just throwing them away.”

Mr. DiLorenzo has been the director for the diocesan cemetery system for almost two years and prior to that he was director of St. John’s Cemetery in Lancaster for 10 years. He oversees St. John’s Cemetery and Mausoleum and Notre Dame Cemetery and Mausoleum, both in Worcester, as well as Calvary and Gethsemane in Athol, Calvary in Dudley, New Notre Dame, Old Notre Dame and St. George in Southbridge, Sacred Heart in Webster, Sacred Heart in West Brookfield, St. Anne in Sturbridge, St. Brigid in Millbury, St. Mary in Holden and St. Philip in Grafton.

Mr. DiLorenzo said the diocese tries to keep its prices competitive with other cemeteries in the region, including the Worcester city-owned Hope Cemetery which is located next to St. John’s and Notre Dame, but the cemetery system must charge enough to cover the cost of maintenance.

“It’s curb appeal,” he said. “It has to look pristine because a lot of people that have buried people here don’t want to see a messy place. They want to see a place that is respected and kept well, which it is.”

A single grave costs $1,750 with an upright marker and $1,500 with a flat marker. Mr. DiLorenzo said prices haven’t changed in a year and a half.

Msgr. Pedone said a funeral director told him he has seen more and more cremations over the past decade and Msgr. Pedone believes cost is more of a factor than people no longer following the tradition of the Church.

“I know very devout people,” he said, “who opt for cremation and many of them do have the ashes interred.”

Msgr. Pedone remembers his mother telling him not to have her cremated because “it’s so final.” However, Msgr. Pedone said his brother and sister were cremated as they wished and were buried with his parents.

Msgr. Pedone recommends that a funeral be held with the body before cremation and burial take place.

“The funeral Mass helps [people] come to terms with the death,” he said, “and helps them to grieve on the basis of faith, that this is not the end.”

Msgr. Pedone pointed out, “Christ’s resurrection from the dead changed how we view death. Before Christ’s resurrection, death was the end.”

Msgr. Pedone said that more and more people are having their loved ones cremated and that they take the ashes with them.

“But the Church feels that the ashes, or the cremains, represent that there was a body and that we need to treat them with respect and reverence,” Msgr. Pedone said. “Some people keep them on the mantel or near the bed or they make pendants out of the ashes or divide the ashes among family members. It’s just that the tradition of the Church has been to reverently bury the body.”

Msgr. Pedone said he and other pastors have noticed that fewer people are having funeral Masses.

“Many times the families are alienated from the Church so they stop going,” he said, “although the loved one has been a fervent Catholic.”

For a deceased parishioner whose family chooses no funeral, Msgr. Pedone celebrates a Mass for them and invites the family. Some come, some don’t.

“Every Catholic has a right to a funeral Mass,” he said.

Msgr. Pedone said funerals remain commonplace at his parish. During a recent week, four were held there. More people have asked to hold calling hours at church instead of the funeral home and Msgr. Pedone said he understands because the church has been so important to them.

At funerals, Msgr. Pedone tells families that while they will never see their deceased loved one in this world, they can have the hope of seeing them in next life.

A grief support group meets monthly with a clinical therapist at Our Lady of Mount Carmel and Our Lady of Loreto. One woman attends every month to grieve.

“She cries every time she comes, but the people support her and try to comfort her,” Msgr. Pedone said. “She’s told us that this group is so important to her.”  

As a pastor, Msgr. Pedone meets with the family of the deceased to comfort them and plan the services. He prefers to meet with them in person, and he asks for memories about the departed loved one. He finds that it comforts them in the grieving process, and it personalizes his homily at the funeral Mass.

Funerals combine sadness over the loss of a loved one with a celebration of that loved one’s life. Msgr. Pedone said he does not tire of presiding over funerals, “because this (deceased) person was a child of God,” he said, “and this person mattered to somebody. So I want to treat each person, whose funeral Mass I’m privileged to celebrate, with respect and with dignity.”